she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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