My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
