dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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