I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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