awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize