I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Acid is not a monday night drug
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
