Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
