Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
