Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
