so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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