Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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