fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
