just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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