you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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