we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
