I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
