If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
