I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
