I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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