just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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