That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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