Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
