I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we're so committed to being not committed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
