I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize