Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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