Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
