Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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