Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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