Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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