So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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