So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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