I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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