I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize