i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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