I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
