oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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