capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
