Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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