The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
