Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
