I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
