I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
