you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
