Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  well I can't set my house on fire every night

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  (248): well I can't set my house on fire every night http://tfl.nu/iwc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1651) Bad night (1196)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.

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  (203): there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous. http://tfl.nu/bkt2
  Replies (20) Good night (2318) Bad night (744)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

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  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (106) Good night (23119) Bad night (1074)
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  (347): View more from New York

  apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.

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  (347): apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road. http://tfl.nu/bhjm
  Replies (56) Good night (909) Bad night (4856)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part

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  (612): who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part http://tfl.nu/ohmf
  Replies (11) Good night (691) Bad night (4890)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them

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  (203): the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them http://tfl.nu/iz6h
  Replies (16) Good night (613) Bad night (3710)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (41) Good night (17037) Bad night (2498)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people

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  (401): My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people http://tfl.nu/xhvq
  Replies (28) Good night (1513) Bad night (5425)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE

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  (847): The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking. (312): Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE http://tfl.nu/m86e
  Replies (1) Good night (940) Bad night (453)
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  (650): View more from California

  Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.

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  (650): Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels. http://tfl.nu/tpw7
  Replies (1) Good night (832) Bad night (296)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!

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  (306): had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function! http://tfl.nu/xw78
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (397)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I think my nap took me to another dimension

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  (425): I think my nap took me to another dimension http://tfl.nu/36h1
  Replies (1) Good night (653) Bad night (249)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night

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  (786): I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night http://tfl.nu/4u0f
  Replies (0) Good night (486) Bad night (626)
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  (699): View more from

  woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night

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  (699): woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night http://tfl.nu/b4fw
  Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (213)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex

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  (615): and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!" (615): which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex http://tfl.nu/lioz
  Replies (0) Good night (242) Bad night (489)

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