you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
