Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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