Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better

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(918): i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better http://tfl.nu/xhei

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

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(503): do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster? http://tfl.nu/6xmt

Replies (20) Good night (5155) Bad night (1207)
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(313): View more from Michigan

We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.

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(313): We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights. http://tfl.nu/0a84

Replies (29) Good night (5051) Bad night (841)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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(630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2

Replies (17) Good night (5064) Bad night (1109)
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(516): View more from New York

until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

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(516): until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life http://tfl.nu/jc1p

Replies (13) Good night (3809) Bad night (1273)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.

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(703): I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice. http://tfl.nu/crhq

Replies (7) Good night (3122) Bad night (1142)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

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(608): dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable http://tfl.nu/uv0g

Replies (8) Good night (2968) Bad night (1219)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you

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(262): he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you http://tfl.nu/6gzr

Replies (6) Good night (873) Bad night (2458)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.

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(269): I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police. http://tfl.nu/uj8w

Replies (8) Good night (2867) Bad night (905)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years

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(717): Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years http://tfl.nu/kz81

Replies (24) Good night (1190) Bad night (1074)
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(914): View more from New York

All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

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(914): All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore. http://tfl.nu/ai56

Replies (6) Good night (3147) Bad night (745)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.

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(513): Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives. http://tfl.nu/voqg

Replies (12) Good night (3453) Bad night (928)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.

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(484): We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/27ii

Replies (23) Good night (2197) Bad night (838)
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(757): View more from Virginia

You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.

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(757): You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part. http://tfl.nu/w83y

Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (418)
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(303): View more from Colorado

My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina

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(303): My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina http://tfl.nu/ldip

Replies (4) Good night (669) Bad night (331)

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