Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.

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  (425): he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick. http://tfl.nu/08s1
  Replies (28) Good night (4799) Bad night (759)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

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  (419): Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie? http://tfl.nu/tj9i
  Replies (83) Good night (6185) Bad night (2048)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.

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  (804): I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life. http://tfl.nu/74qx
  Replies (17) Good night (5582) Bad night (749)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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  (484): New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/xws1
  Replies (47) Good night (4717) Bad night (1552)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."

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  (479): He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana." http://tfl.nu/t5zw
  Replies (35) Good night (1656) Bad night (4086)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.

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  (901): I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues. http://tfl.nu/beiy
  Replies (13) Good night (902) Bad night (2702)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?

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  (804): He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag? http://tfl.nu/lcp4
  Replies (21) Good night (713) Bad night (4689)
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  (510): View more from California

  In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...

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  (510): In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going... http://tfl.nu/8b0c
  Replies (9) Good night (5080) Bad night (782)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.

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  (225): My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight. http://tfl.nu/a1x3
  Replies (11) Good night (2714) Bad night (891)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.

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  (301): I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO. (301): Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever. http://tfl.nu/txh9
  Replies (11) Good night (1934) Bad night (469)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.

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  (701): Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single. http://tfl.nu/d9fj
  Replies (2) Good night (784) Bad night (831)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby

  (1+61): View more from

  Yah. Thai people are way too trusting

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  (+61): It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby (1+61): Yah. Thai people are way too trusting http://tfl.nu/j4hl
  Replies (1) Good night (647) Bad night (360)
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  (527): View more from

  I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.

  (1-527): View more from

  Top night. Top night.

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  (527): I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered. (1-527): Top night. Top night. http://tfl.nu/68t6
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (484)
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  (760): View more from California

  This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful

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  (760): This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful http://tfl.nu/eznx
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (193)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny

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  (603): Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny http://tfl.nu/ui8a
  Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (154)

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