I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
