we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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