Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize