dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
