I must be too annoying 4 u.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
