I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
