there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
