I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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