you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
