My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
