walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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