You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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