This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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