My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
