hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
