you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
