I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
