dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
