my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
