did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
