i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
