Kiss
Puke
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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